Just how to Avoid Being Scammed or Catfished Online
Here is the number one concern single women over 40 have about using online dating. They concern yourself with being scammed or catfished.
‘Catfishing’ is a term for the means of luring men and women into false relationships, or when someone gives out false information regarding themselves.
Is the concern with being made a fool and being used by bad dudes keeping you offline? Or does it keep you up at night worried that the guy there is a date with next week is going to use and and lie for your requirements?
This is what I tell my clients:
He might. But it’s highly unlikely. Exactly like driving towards the grocery store. Will you get in an accident? You might. But it’s highly unlikely.
If you never leave the house, you’ll starve. Of course you never go surfing, your chances of meeting your forever love plummet.
Just know this:
The the greater part of guys online are decent and just trying to meet someone nice. Like Bob , or Lance.
And, like preventing car crash, there are activities to do to be smart about guys you choose to meet. There are even services out there who will help you vet your dates.
While I don’t necessarily recommend you pay someone to try this, this article has info on that and other great free tips on how to take precautions. I specially like the idea of doing a Google search using a person’s photo. That will tell you straight away if he’s on other sites as somebody else.
In that case, simply report him, delete him, and buy-bye!
It’s smart to be cautious, however at the expense of losing down on meeting someone great. You aren’t a 18-year-old girl anymore. The knee-jerk ‘Oh my goodness, that is scary nonsense is old and no longer serves you.
You could make good decisions and look after yourself through the use of your ability to weigh options, make complex decisions and exercise your assertiveness. You probably try this every day with your career, your household, even with the dry cleaner; dealing with single men should be no exception.
Just remember, with regards to getting scammed or catfished online, you can be in control.
PS: Suzy, a DLAGU community member, left me this oh-so-smart comment. I wanted to be sure you read it:
It’s probably obvious but I did like to highlight that women using dating sites should also take into account that the photo reverse search thing can also be used on their photos so, if they are concerned about safety, they might want to avoid using any photo in their online profile they’ve also used on their social media accounts, Linked-in profile, etc. since anyone regarding the dating site could use it locate out a lot of information about them including their full name, work place, etc. ~Suzy
I am a hippie at heart. I have a penchant for beads, flowy dresses, tie-dye, Joni Mitchell, Jackson Browne, and Phoebe Snow. I guess my politics are rooted in that era, especially when it comes to social justice and women’s rights.
So, no wonder I was drawn to this wonderful retreat called Women at Woodstock where I met another pro-boomer woman entrepreneur Eileen Williams.
Eileen is the owner of Feisty Side of Fifty, a company that celebrates a certainly remarkable generation of women. She believes that women who’re 50 plus should nevertheless be rockin’on, flaunting their famously bodacious spirit and style.
Right on Eileen!
I was interviewed on Eileen’s podcast this week. Here is what I shared:
- The unique challenges of women dating at this time in life.
- How wanting love is significantly diffent for successful, independent women ( like you).
- The top 3 things you can do to attract the kind of man you’re looking for: confident, kind, grounded…you know…a good grownup alpha man.
I admit that it was tough to generally share all this with you in just 20 minutes, but I did!
Here it really is. Enjoy and let me know if we helped you! (of course you can easily leave Eileen and remember that is great too.)
Is he into me? It starts from the first ‘hello or glance across the room. Trying to decipher if he really likes you, or not. The doubting and trying to ‘figure it out escalates from there.
If it progresses to a meet date, you then concern yourself with having the first date, which moves on to wondering if there will be an extra date. Maybe you became intimate and your ‘is he into me questioning happens to be at DEFCON 5.
(Btw, if you are wondering about my advice on when to have sex, you can easily read it here, and here.)
When my clients ask me this question it’s this that I generally say:
If you have to ask, he’s probably not.
Biologically, women have such to lose by choosing the wrong man. We have been the ones which bear the children. If we chose a man who is NOT into us, then he will leave us at our most vulnerable, pregnant or by way of a baby. And we will have to raise and protect his youngster, alone, for at least 18 years.
No wonder we have been like Nancy Drew with regards to trying to figure out if he really likes us. Asking, ‘Is he into me? is in our ancestral past, it meant survival associated with the species!
How does this translate into yourself here now? How can you tell from the first time you lay eyes on each other if he’s interested in you?
While it’s good to understand your biological drives, you are able to use your intellect and commonsense. That’s what I am here to help with: providing you information that can help balance your head with your heart.
BTW, in another article, I shared with you 4 more ways you can tell if a guy is enthusiastic about you.
Let me reveal my listing of 6 ( more) things grownup men do when they are into you:
1. He tries to be helpful.
Since the beginning of time men have had the natural instinct to take care of and protect women they value. Since there are no longer wild animals to fight off, he’s going to make an effort to look after you by helping with your packages, providing you his coat, or providing you some advice.
My advice? Accept graciously even if you don’t need it. If he’s trying to be helpful, he could just be a nice guy in the grocery store. But on a date? He’s certainly into you.
2. He stands tall.
Guys have a unconscious way of displaying their masculinity by standing tall, with their stomachs in, when they are in the company of a woman they’re attracted to. It’s a man’s way of trying to impress a woman along with his body. If he straightens up and sucks it in when he sees you – bingo! Think of a proud peacock.
You’ve seen this. They puff up! You can’t miss it if you’re wanting it. (Is he into me?… check!)
3. He makes tentative eye contact.
Even the most confident man can be shy about making sustained eye contact with a woman he’s recently met and to whom he feels attracted. Let’s say you’re on a date and he’s not maintaining constant eye contact; don’t assume he’s doing it because he’s not into you. It could imply quite the opposite. (If he’s doing it and leering at other women that, of course, is different.)
If you catch a man looking at you when you are not looking in his path, and which quickly turns away the moment you look at him, that also indicates that he’s got some interest. (Tip: This will be a good way for you to show your curiosity about men, too! Look, then look away. It’s an age-old, effective way to flirt.)
Men which only see you as being a friend won’t be shy about maintaining eye contact.
4. He compliments you.
I’m not talking about ‘Nice ass, honey type compliments. Yech.
He might say he likes your shoes. (Seriously, Larry said that in my opinion on our meet date!) He might tell you simply how much he digs your dog, or comment on your stunning smile.
Yes, your mistrust of men can kick in and make it seem awkward or trite. But if you give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s a nice guy who’s just interested…and it’s not a flat-out misogynist insult, accept it to see it as his sincere attempt to connect to you. He’s probably flirting! Flirt back! (listed here is how!
5. He brags.
Yes, this is annoying and can be described as a turn off unless you see it for what it really is – an attempt to impress you. It’s kinda like when he stands tall and maybe sucks in his belly. (He is only a little older, all things considered.)
When he’s into you he wants you to notice him and choose him. Men are hard-wired to compete for your attention. So, if he brags about his big career or his watercraft or his awesome travels…that can be a good sign!
6. He Tries to discover if You are Single
If you meet a guy online at Starbucks or at a friend’s dinner party (you wish, right?) and he has no way of knowing your status, he might ask. It’s as simple as that sometimes.
Grownup men were through the dating and relating gauntlet and frankly don’t want to waste their time on women who are either not single or playing hard to get.
So, if he asks if you are single, or tries to find out by asking about ‘your boyfriend or husband, let him know you will be available! Avoid being put off by his directness, he’s just cutting towards the chase and that can be a good thing!
Bottom line: Grownup men tell you that they are into you!!!
And let me reveal my # 1 tip for you from the beginning – when you go to meet a man, it’s not about whether he likes you! Always go in thinking – I hope I Like Him!!
Once you decide you do, and he has won a deeper look, pay attention to these signs. And trust me, when he’s into you, you’ll see… you may not need certainly to ask.
Hopefully you’ll never need certainly to ask again ‘Is he into me?
I’d love to hear from you. After reading this to do you think you’ve missed some signals in the past? How else do you really decide in case a man is really interested…in a relationship form of way?
Have you ever wondered ‘are my expectations of men realistic? I could tell you with 99% certainty that, no, they are not. And that may be the very thing that is keeping you single. Not only single, but perpetually disappointed, pissed off, and eventually, hopeless. Ach! That can be so exhausting.
[If you’re short of time click here and jump to a super juicy training I recorded for you.]
The expectations can just as easily muck up a relationship. Here’s my real-life example:
I ended up working past midnight last night, and my husband didn’t complain. Plus 4 points.
As I slept in this morning, he cleaned the cat box and emptied the dishwasher. Plus 10 points! (The cat box earns him extra credit for sure.)
When he ran off to do errands, he didn’t kiss me good-bye. Minus 3 points.
He didn’t call me on his way home to ask if I wanted him to pick anything up. Minus 5 points!
And so it goes…
Look, I’m an actual believer that we should have expectations of people we let into our everyday lives. But let’s make sure they are realistic expectations!
I’m sorta kidding… I don’t literally keep score. Nevertheless when I was dating I certainly kept some style of tally in my own brain. You probably do too. A lot of us tend to do this…especially with regards to making decisions about men.
( If you’re questioning whether you do this, look at the conversations you have with your girlfriends after a date. It generally goes something like ‘he showed up on time, but his shirt was really wrinkled. He stepped me to my car but he went in for a kiss. He did…but he didn’t… Sound familiar?)
It only takes a few minus points to send us running from a man that we just met or perhaps started dating. If we don’t run, we go into disappointment mode. Once introduced into the complicated dating mix, our disappointment eventually sabotages any chance of things ending well.
In a relationship when things tip too much to the negative we complain, withhold, sulk, or in extreme cases, leave.
It generates me crazy. uberhorny real or fake And sad. Because with your false expectations in the way, women are missing REAL gifts that so many men are out there waiting to give. And they’re giving men points for some really silly stuff.
So here’s what I want you to take into account:
Are your plusses and minuses based on the stuff that genuinely determines whether a man can make you happy?
Can be your system centered on what your mom or dad taught you boys should do? Could it be left-over from a listing you devised in college, or even high school? Are you currently giving men points for fancy, surface-y, bullshit-y actions and taking points away for insignificant acts?
Could it be possible that you mistake men’s intentions or misunderstand a number of their actions? (i am aware you know that they are unique of us in fundamental methods.)
Are your expectations of men realistic? It’s time you find out.
You know I’m a dating and relationship coach and I guide women dating after 40 to love. I constantly witness potential relationships go up in flames because of women’s unrealistic dating expectations.
I am aware it’s not because these women are catty, or spoiled, or malicious. It’s because they don’t understand the words, deeds, and intentions of Grownup Men.
It generates me crazy. And sad. Because with your false expectations in the way, women are missing REAL gifts that so many men are out there waiting to give. And they’re giving men points for some really silly stuff.
Listen Now: 5 Unrealistic Expectations of Men that Keep over-40 Women Perpetually Disappointed and Single.
I’m assuming you’re here because you possess a really big goal: to meet a spectacular man and share the rest of your life with him.
If you’d like to end that feeling of being constantly disappointed by men and start having them actually meet your needs….
and you want to STOP wondering why you can’t seem to connect to a man which makes you happy…listen to this training!
00:0000:00Use Up/Down Arrow keys to increase or decrease volume.
You can easily click the link to listen or right-click to install the file.
When you’re done I’d love you to leave me a comment here. I would like to know if anything resonates with you. Did you find areas where you can be more accepting and things you can add to your listing of realistic expectations?